Perspective....

A thought occurred to me.  I have a lost 77 pounds, so far, since last January.  Javy is about 75 pounds, therefore, I have lost one Javy-sized person.  Just to put this in perspective, here is a photo montage:

This is me plus one Javy

This is me plus two Javies!

This is me plus one Javy!

The magical ipad!

I decided to merge both my blogs.  The truth is that I am a member of Javyland and there's no reason for me to have a separate blog just about me.  All of my goals and aspirations are because of Javy.  So there you go.......

Javy got his iPad.  I'm not sure if I've ranted about this before, last year, Javy's speech therapist started using an iPad at school for communication.  Instead of Javy using a picture board to make decisions, he can use an iPad.  It's actually perfect for him.  They're not as cumbersome as most Assistive Devices that have small buttons to push.  He can swipe and touch, no matter how tight his hands are.  But the problem is that the school won't let him bring it home.  But its for communication,  you say.  I felt like it needed to be used consistently, at home and school.  This was a great worry of mine for a few months.

It just so happens that someone who happens to work for Hawaiian Airlines, asked me how Javy was doing.  She has known Javy since we moved to Kauai, because we fly out so much going to doctors on Oahu.  I guess, since this was the foremost worry in my head, the conversation turned to the subject iPads and me ranting about the school not letting him take it home.  I explained how I was trying to save for one, even collecting cans and bottles that I find on the road while I walk my dog.  It was almost like I was praying-my heart bursting, laying out my greatest desire.  Work distracted us and we went about our business.

Later, that day, this dear person approached me and said that a few of the ladies who work together for Hawaiian Airlines would like to buy Javy an iPad.  I started to cry, it was such an unexpected blessing. I never imagined, coming to work that morning that such a great relief could happen,  just talking to a friend.  So they did, they bought Javy an iPad.

IPads are really an amazing piece of technology.  Javy responds to it, instantly.  He has been able to tell me what he's wanted when he's fussy and I can't figure out what is going on.  He can also read stories by himself.  Well, he's not reading it, but he can touch the screen and the iPad magical voice reads it to him.

Also, I found this app called Pictello.  I can create picture stories for him.   I think that this is really good for stimulating his mind.  I plan on making stories of everything.  I'm working on one of all of his friends and family.  More than that, this app will relieve another worry of mine.  This may seem silly to some, but I often think what if something happened to everyone who really knows Javy.  I mean truly knows how to read Javy, knows how really funny and lovable he is.  What he likes, doesn't like.  What his faces mean.  This app can create a legacy for Javy to carry on in the future without me.  Hey, I'm not trying to be depressing, it's a reality of life.  Think about it, most people are able to communicate their history and heritage.  Javy won't be able to and I will not be around forever to do it.  I want everyone to know how wonderful he is and not to take him for granted.

Thank you to the ladies at Hawaiian Airlines and thank you, Steve Jobs!  May you rest in peace.  

Lesson #3: Hold your head high!

Try this!  Whatever you're doing- laundry, cooking supper, walking through the grocery story, hold your shoulders back with back straight and saunter, with your hips swinging and your head held high.  Don't worry about people watching you or if you look like a fool.  It feels good, doesn't it.

Whatever Javy does, he has no shame.  He doesn't care what people around him think.  If he thinks something is funny then he will let out a deep belly laugh, even if its at the most inappropriate moment ever. He enjoys life and if he's not then he doesn't hesitate to let someone know, until he's happy, again.      In order, to accomplish anything, Javy has to work really hard, whether its pushing himself up to standing, crawling across the floor.  To move his body, he has to overcome a lot of muscle tone but I've never seen him look embarrassed or ashamed, once.

I made two personal benchmarks in July.  First, I made it to under 200 pounds.  And I ran for 30 minutes straight.  I don't feel like I could have made these benchmarks if I cared what other people think about me.  When you start making transformations in your self, everyone is watching you.  "They" wonder what you're eating and what you're doing.  I believe most have genuine interest, sometimes, perhaps, some aren't so respectful.  It's funny but as soon as I started eating a little healthier, a lot of people automatically started making comments, like ewwww, brown rice, why are you eating brown rice.  Or just a salad, that's all your eating.  I just simply had to blow it off and remember-this is personal, it's not about them.  All I can do is hold my head up high and say, "Yes, brown rice, it's awesome!"

As far as running and exercising are concerned, its tough.  First of all, I really don't have proper exercise wear.  I have a pair of Sketcher's that I got cheap at Ross and baggy shorts and shirts.  I live in Hawaii and I see a lot of people running and walking in my neighborhood.  There's some pretty good looking people-the girls wearing their cute little sports bras and the guys with their nice tank tops and all muscles.  I started running in June and I had already lost a lot of weight, but I still have to wear two bras just to keep from giving myself two black eyes.  In fact, everything jiggles-thighs, arms, belly.  But I know that the only way to stop them from wiggling is to move.  It's the only way.

So besides surfing, which I still feel scared to do, I'm gonna add two more personal benchmarks.  I'm going to run the Kauai marathon (next year, because I can't afford the fees for this year) and wear a bikini by next summer.

Success is Sweet!

I survived my first week of vacation!!!!

And what did I do on my first week of vacation?  I did this:

My shed!

Yes, I put up a rust-infested, dilapidated old shed!  Okay, it's not pretty, but the key word in that last sentence was "I" and (maybe a little help from mom).  This became my first WTF? project, in other words, WTF did I get myself into, project.

The shed in it's original location

A little background: I love my house.  It's my favorite all time place that we've ever lived, I love it that much.  But the yard is lacking, well, it looks like it has been napalmed.  It has some great trees and plants but it wasn't taken care of properly, probably since the husband of the previous owner passed away.  

About a month ago, I decided that it was crucial for us to have a nice cool spot to relax with a cold or hot beverage.  The only good shade tree, a nice big avocado tree, had this rusty old shed underneath it, rusty, albeit intact.  My inner thrifty person struggled with my chillaxin person- tear down a perfectly good shed for a place to sit and be lazy, hmmmm.  Late at night, in the wee hours of the morning, when I do my best thinking, I devised a plan. 

I would just simply move the shed to a more suitable locale in my yard, not the landfill.  In the wee hours of the morning it seemed really, really simple.  

I began by detaching it from it's base.  Except for trying not to get stung by scorpions, that part was easy.  According to my plan, I would simply lift the aluminum walls and roof to the new location.  That part of the plan turned out to be right out!  Who knew that aluminum could be so heavy?  During the light of day, I came up with a new plan.  Take it apart in sections and put it back up in sections.  For a few weeks the individual pieces of the shed were spread all over the napalmed yard-the walls, the roof and the frame.

Finally, S-Day came.  I dropped Javy off at school.  (I forgot to mention that I could only work on this project while Javy was at school.)  I came home and had another cup of coffee.  I couldn't procrastinate any longer.  I grabbed a few tools, mom followed behind me.  She threw out a few "You shoulds" and "I woulds".  I just stared blankly at the ground.  My mood was so foul and I came really close to scrapping the whole project, it really seemed impossible and worthless.  But something wouldn't let me stop.  That first day, we managed to get one side of the wall up and I promised mom that my attitude would be better.  

And I did, I kept going, whatever wouldn't let me stop, continuously gave me the inner strength to keep going.  I won't lie, a few tools were thrown across the yard and the neighbors probably heard one or two curse words.  But we got it done.  And I learned a lot about myself in the process.  First of all, not only am I physically stronger being 60 pounds lighter, but quite literally, mentally.  I really believe that one year ago, that shed would've been scrapped after the first five minutes of that project.  When I got stuck with one thing, I just told myself to keep moving until it was all done.  

Secondly, I was faced my weaknesses head on.  I never realized how inflexible I am, especially when it comes to stuff I don't really want to do.  The mental preparation that I put into things that I'm not whole-heartedly into is so immense that when I get side tracked, it throws me into a tailspin.  That's how it was working with mom, we'd start with one particular plan and then she'd throw in a "why don't we try this" and I would freak.  But once I realized it, I actually started listening to her and that's one of the reasons we finished by Wednesday.  

And this is what I learned:  Losing weight and getting stronger is not about looking pretty and fitting into smaller clothes.  For me, personally, it's about not running away from hard things.  

  

NORMALCY! A good thing?

Mr. Cool!

Well, my two week vacation started Sunday.  I've been home since Friday, but Friday/Saturday are my regular days off.  No work for four days and ten more to go.  I've got to say.....I'm exhausted.  The easy-going-Javy days seem to have gone away.  He seems to have become......(insert eery music) a normal 10 years old.

Let's take dinner tonight (I work the night shift, so I'm not normally around for dinner.  I cook it and leave it up to my mom to make sure Javy eats it.)  I cooked a lovely pot roast with homemade mashed potatoes and steamed cabbage, yummy!  Well, Javy, who appeared to be about to burst into tears at any moment, did not agree it was that lovely.  In fact, he acted as if it was tasteless.  He refused to pick up the fork to put it in his mouth so I poked the food into his mouth.  He let it hang there, even poking his lip out a few times.  I'll be honest, I was getting a little frustrated, until my mom offered, "Javy, do you want a peanut butter sandwich?"  He immediately perked up and gave out a little laugh, which in his world is an affirmation.  But I refused to relent after working so hard to create a five star meal.  Instead, I got out the good old Heinz ketchup and squeezed it all over the plate.  He ate every bite after that, freakin' stinkers.  

A meal fit for a Javy

Engrossed!

But wait there's more:  After dinner, his grandma had a television show that she wanted to watch.  Well, Javy who is an avid fan of Nick Jr. wasn't too agreeable about letting grandma watch her show.  He started whining and shrieking at the television- Sorry, Kyra Sedgewick, he doesn't like The Closer.  But, again, I refused to let him have his way and tried to distract him with other games.  It didn't really work.  So after The Closer, Yo Gabba Gabba came on the television, as if by magic.  His face cleared up and the laughter, dancing and singing began.  No more fussing!  

Javy using me as a recliner.  He watched Yo Gabba Gabba like this.
It's a 30 minute show.  Who needs pilates?

Leg Massages

To give Javy credit, he's actually still a pretty good guy and fun to hang out with.  Who else would swim with me for an hour at Salt Pond and jam out with me on the way to school and give me a leg massage.  And he does work hard.  He spent half the day at school and he walked to his bed this evening (with the help of a walker).  I may be exhausted at the end of my vacation, but I wouldn't give it up for nothin'!      

Vacation!

Fat girl in a skinnier girl's body

It's hard taking whole body pictures of yourself, but here's an updated photo-waist is about 34 inches, hips about 39 inches.

People are starting to notice, especially, the ones who don't know me well enough to know what I've been doing for the last five months.  Except for the Starbuck's chicks who have noticed my absence.  People who are just meeting me, probably just see me as another overweight American, because I've still got a long ways to go.  But if they're perceptive, they  may notice some muscle definition and my stellar posture.

But I've encountered an interesting phenomenon that I really didn't think about.  Before, I had thought of myself as a skinny girl in a fat girl's body.  I would forget sometimes that I was as big as I was, until I looked in the mirror.  I've always been athletic and loved playing sports, but I've also always been big. I was the cute little chubby kid, and then the stout, curvy teenager and finally, the blubbery middle aged woman.  It didn't bother me until I noticed that my body didn't work the way it used to.  So I never thought being skinnier would bother me.

What I've noticed is that a lot of people who never paid me any attention are now starting to pay attention to me.  I find myself asking, "Who the hell is that guy looking at?"  I forget because I'm used to being looked over.  I'm not very comfortable with it.  But it's not just guys, women, too, like now I'm worthy to be talked to.  It really brings awareness to me how physical appearance really affects people's judgement of others.    I'm working really hard and I'm proud of what I've accomplished.  I just want everyone to succeed at their goals and be happy with themselves.

I know I've got to change my perception of myself.  But here's a warning to all those potential "new friends":  "Move along!"

Cruizin'

I was driving home, just now, from Salt Pond.  I passed this girl, I've seen her around before.  She obviously works at McDonald's because she is always wearing a uniform when I see her.  She inspires me.  She walks to work.  Not only does she walk to work, but her gait is not straight.  One of her legs always stays straight, while she swings the opposite arm.  I've seen her all over Hanapepe, but from where she was today, now I know her walk to work is about a mile and a half, and includes a pretty tough hill.  I came pretty close to offering her a ride, but I stopped myself.  I wouldn't want anyone to give me a ride, I'd have my earphones in and be cruizin', too.

I want Javy to walk, too.  No matter how he does it, I want him to do it.  Not necessarily because he wouldn't need his wheelchair anymore and his life would be easier.  No matter what, he'll always have mobility and access to most things.  Those days of being bedridden and in an institution are over, thank God.  No, I want him to cruize on his feet because I think that he would think it's fun.  I believe he'll get there one day, it  may be funky (in a good way) but he'll get there.

I made this video Sunday of Javy trying to stand up.  It's kind of hard to see because I was right beside him.  But the remarkable thing was that he was pulling himself up with his legs and not hold onto anything.